Amid marital suffering, consider who we should become rather than continually examining the other person's character. As victims, despair appears endless; as Christ's followers, pain is limited and hope boundless. Psalm 119's writer faced slander, entanglement and snares, yet held to one thing: obeying God's word.
Speaker: Pastor Bond
“Those who love your law have great peace. Nothing causes them to stumble.” (Psalm 119:165)
Remember this amid marital suffering:
Instead of continually considering what kind of person they are, consider carefully what kind of people we should become.
Dwelling on a spouse's detestable, contemptible or corrupt behaviour leads into a victim mentality: marriage becomes prison and bitterness chains. The more you count their evil, the tighter the chains and harder the escape.
A popular saying recently circulated:
However bitter and difficult your suffering, no one is coming to bear it, because it is yours alone. Stop describing your prison to the world. Stand up and walk out: the prison was never locked.
The words sting and contain truth. Yet believers know someone actually has come.
“Surely he has borne our sickness and carried our suffering.” (Isaiah 53:4)
Two thousand years ago, someone bore our suffering. He entered our prison to lead us out personally, rather than merely tell us to find the unlocked door.
His followers receive strength to live brightly like flame in a corrupt world, rather than be dragged into its depths.
Read this psalm. Its author's days were difficult:
“The proud have smeared a lie upon me.” (Psalm 119:69)
“The ropes of the wicked bind me.” (Psalm 119:61)
“The wicked have laid a snare for me.” (Psalm 119:110)
Slandered, bound and trapped: does this resemble suffocating moments in marriage?
Whatever others did, he held to obeying God's word. He neither spent his energy changing the proud nor remained in victimhood's self-pity. Turning to God's law, he declared:
“I have seen a limit to all perfection, but your commands are boundless.” (Psalm 119:96)
Everything has limits, including your suffering, your spouse's evil and your marital grievances. God's commands are broad enough to hold all your pain and offer an exit you cannot yet see.
The same suffering allows two different ways of living.
As victims, we despair: life with this spouse seems to exclude future happiness, each day torment without end.
As Christ's followers, we hope: following a Lord of boundless mercy, how limited the years of pain, how great the joy ahead. We are blessed.
A victim looks at the person causing harm and grows more desperate. A follower looks at the leading Lord and gains strength.
The difference is not a change in circumstances, but a change in where you look.
The way forward in painful marriage is bringing yourself into God's will, rather than making your spouse suit yours.
This neither calls for silent submission to humiliation nor pretending everything is fine. The prison image concerns a constraining mindset; it does not deny real violence, coercion or abuse. If you are suffering such harm, protect your safety and your children's, tell someone trustworthy what is happening, and seek help from professional services, a pastor and, as needed, the police. Leaving danger and reporting harm do not amount to disobeying God. Find the unshakeable anchor in the storm: God's word, rather than your spouse or feelings.
Amid attacks and entanglement, the psalmist finally offers simple words:
“Those who love your law have great peace. Nothing causes them to stumble.”
Nothing, including the person who hurts you most.
Dear brothers and sisters, may you follow Christ out of the prison, rather than remain captive as victims amid marriage's suffering. The Lord who bore your suffering still leads ahead today.
📖 Building a Family · A thirteen-part series
This article was inspired by material shared on the WeChat video channel Sister He's Love of Reading and was compiled and published with permission.
This article may be freely reproduced, printed and used for preaching or training without requesting the author's permission. Please contact the author before commercial publication.