Dating brings anticipation and anxiety for many Christians. Scripture offers no dating manual, but gives crucial principles: marriage as the direction rather than entertainment; relationships in the light rather than secrecy; holiness, reserving sexual intimacy for marriage; wise counsel rather than an isolated world of two; and, above all, God at the centre of emotional life. This article finds a biblical path between worldly dating assumptions and monastic-style denial of romance.
Speaker: Pastor Bond
Guidance for Christians
“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
The Bible contains no ten-step dating method. In its cultures, marriages were usually arranged by families; modern dating did not exist. Yet it offers important principles sufficient to guide choices pleasing to God in modern romantic situations.
“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Scripture's formal framework for intimate partnership is marriage. Dating therefore explores the road towards marriage, rather than being entertainment.
This does not require evaluating marriage at every shared meal. But beginning an official relationship should mean seriously exploring whether this person could be a lifelong partner, rather than having fun and swapping partners if it fails.
Marriage-oriented dating encourages responsibility, seriousness and boundaries.
“Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
This principle is much discussed and often difficult: “The person I like does not believe, but is good. Is that really impossible?”
The passage concerns more than marriage, but churches have reasonably applied it to marriage throughout history. Fundamental religious differences create deep tensions over life's greatest questions: origins, destination, right and wrong, raising children and facing death.
This does not mean unbelievers are bad people; someone may have better character than you. Marriage nevertheless needs shared direction as well as a good person. Two oxen pulling one cart must work in the same direction. One pulling east and the other west leaves the cart stationary and both suffering.
If already married to an unbeliever, Paul says not to abandon a spouse willing to remain, but to allow departure if they insist (1 Corinthians 7:12–15). Violence, threats or coercion require safety and help first. That is another subject. While you still have a choice, take the principle seriously.
“For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4)
Physical contact is a practical question. The principle is clear: sexual intimacy belongs within marriage. Premarital holiness protects you, your partner and your future marriage, rather than being outdated morality.
Avoid settings conducive to falling: isolation, late nights and alcohol. Establish clear mutual boundaries early, rather than deciding in the charged moment.
Healthy relationships do not isolate two people from everyone else. Let at least one or two trustworthy, mature people who respect boundaries know, so they can advise. Where family or surroundings are hostile to faith, universal disclosure is unnecessary.
Secrecy readily breeds problems: no counsel, accountability or help when things go wrong. A relationship hidden from every trustworthy person often already contains something wrong.
“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)
Romantic involvement easily clouds judgement. Trusted, more mature believers or pastors can offer objective counsel, illuminating blind spots rather than deciding for you.
Proverbs offers a clear reminder:
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
Attraction matters. But choosing solely by appearance, money and ability will probably disappoint after marriage, because these change.
A lifelong partner's essential qualities are reverence for God, mature character and willingness to grow. Outward advantages are additions; character is the foundation. Decades of suffering, parenting and ageing together will be sustained by faith and character, rather than looks or income.
A final word to single brothers and sisters: singleness is not incompleteness. Paul wants believers free from cares and says the unmarried can attend to the Lord without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Your completeness comes from Christ rather than a partner.
Do not rush, become anxious or settle merely to avoid singleness. Marriage is not a guaranteed reward for patient waiting. Whether God leads towards marriage or service while single, fullness of life is possible in Christ.
Dear brothers and sisters, romance is beautiful. God said it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18); he designed love. Letting it follow his purposes brings blessing beyond what you imagine.
Marriage as the direction, character and faith in choosing, holiness, openness and wise counsel make dating safer, deeper and more lasting rather than dull.
Let us pray together:
Lord, thank you for creating romance and marriage. Whether single or dating, help me place you at the centre. Give wisdom in choosing, courage for holiness and humility to seek counsel. If you prepare a partner, help me await your timing; if single now, help me find completeness in you. In the name of the Lord Jesus, amen.
📖 Building a Family · A thirteen-part series
Further reading: Study Guide: Building a Family That Glorifies God
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