Your family is Buddhist, or simply forbids involvement in religion. You secretly read Scripture online, know no Christians and have never entered a church. An evangelist's claim that everyone worshipping bodhisattvas goes to hell has further offended your mother. This article addresses that difficult position: whether private exploration is cowardice, what requires firmness or compromise, attending vegetarian meals, seeking faith without a church or companions, and finding words for the hardest conversation with parents.
Speaker: Pastor Bond
“He won't break a bruised reed. He won't quench a dimly burning wick.” (Isaiah 42:3)
Some begin like this.
A Buddhist altar stands in the living room. Your parents are not fiercely opposed; instead, they say something harder to challenge: “Other people can believe what they like. You must not get involved.” You know no Christian friends, know where a church stands but dare not enter, and found Scripture online yourself, angling your phone screen while reading.
An evangelist once said everyone worshipping bodhisattvas goes to hell, deeply offending your mother and making the subject even more forbidden.
If this is you, hear first: you are neither strange nor alone. This situation is common enough among Chinese families to deserve its own article.
No.
Two biblical people offer reassurance.
Nicodemus was an influential Pharisee and Jewish ruler wanting to know Jesus. He chose nighttime:
“He came to Jesus by night.” (John 3:2)
John records the detail without criticism. Jesus does not rebuke his timing, but teaches new birth.
Joseph of Arimathea was another:
“Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews.” (John 19:38)
Scripture calls him a secret disciple. Yet he eventually approached Pilate for Jesus' body and buried him.
Fear does not make faith false. Some faith grows in daylight; some grows at night, under blankets or on a tilted screen. God does not despise the latter.
“He won't break a bruised reed. He won't quench a dimly burning wick.” This pictures precisely that small, fragile beginning.
Opposition tempts two extremes: yielding everything until faith disappears, or resisting everything until family relationships rupture. Scripture's boundary is clear.
One thing must remain firm: do not worship another.
When officials forbade proclaiming Jesus, Peter and the apostles answered:
“We must obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29)
This has limits. It concerns demands to do what God forbids, rather than permission to ignore all parents' requests. Worshipping images, making incense offerings or vows to other deities, and paying someone to perform religious rites are not options. Most other matters can be discussed.
Really yield where you should.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)
Paul puts it more strongly still: anyone who fails to provide for his own relatives “has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Therefore:
The more visibly you live what a believer is like, the sooner the door at home opens. Peter's instruction to believing wives illustrates the principle:
“Even if any don't obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word.” (1 Peter 3:1)
Conduct can reach those unwilling to hear teaching. Your family already resists your words; they have not yet closed their eyes to your life.
“A neighbour invited Mum to bring me for a vegetarian religious meal. What should I do?”
Distinguish the occasion. Ordinary vegetarian food and neighbourly contact are not Buddhist worship. You may attend as a social occasion accompanying elders. Paul even says, “But if one of those who don’t believe invites you to a meal, and you are inclined to go, eat whatever is set before you…” (1 Corinthians 10:27).
Where incense, prostration, chanting or receiving a religious blessing forms part of the occasion, refrain from that portion or decline altogether. Prepare a simple exit beforehand—“I'll step outside for some air”—and use it when needed.
“I previously had a religious master and fellow disciples.”
After initiation or receiving a religious name, the hardest loss in turning to Christ often concerns people, not arguments. They treated you sincerely.
Distinguish ending the practice from ending every relationship. Stop offerings, religious ceremonies and shared spiritual practice, but seasonal greetings and friendship need not be severed wholesale. Explain honestly to the master in private, without a grand declaration. You owe no public debate.
“The family of someone introduced as a potential partner has a Buddhist altar.”
Look beyond the altar to the person. Clarify four questions before it is too late.
Do they have their own convictions or merely follow family? Will they accept church attendance and future baptism? Whose customs govern the wedding? Who decides children's faith?
Asking now costs less than asking after marriage. Someone willing to respect you and face family together leaves a possible road even before personally believing. Someone refusing even church attendance remains a problem after an altar is removed.
“Should I join a Christian group online?”
You may, but do not disclose identity and address in unfamiliar groups, and assess orthodoxy. Some organisations deliberately target beginners without Christian companions. See Study Guide: Discerning Heresy. Your present isolation is exactly what they favour, so take particular care.
This practical difficulty easily discourages. Four things are possible alone.
First, begin with John. Its twenty-one chapters provide a suitable first Gospel, explaining who Jesus is and what he did. One chapter daily finishes it in three weeks. Concentrate on knowing him before other books.
Second, use the simplest reading method. After each chapter ask what kind of person Jesus is, towards whom he is gentlest, and what it means for you if true. You need not understand everything before knowing the person.
Third, speak plainly to God. “I am unsure whether you exist. If you do, let me know you, and please change my family's attitude.” That is prayer, needing no ritual, kneeling or companion.
Fourth, connect with believers without alarming family. Online sermons or Bible study, or questions sent to trustworthy ministers, provide nourishment while waiting, though not a permanent solution.
Do not rush church attendance or imagine temporary inability makes your faith invalid. Wait for a natural opportunity through study, work, moving or a softening family attitude. God is not rushed; he has already waited many years for you.
Eventually you must speak to parents. Suggestions follow.
Avoid arguments and festivals. Choose an ordinary afternoon together privately.
Begin with relationship. “Mum, there is something I want to tell you because I don't want to hide it.” That opening matters more than an argument.
Do not belittle lifelong beliefs. Explain yours without declaring theirs false. You have seen the damage caused by the blunt bodhisattva-and-hell statement.
Keep words modest. “Recently I've been reading Scripture and finding things that speak to me” sounds like growing up, whereas a sweeping announcement can sound like leaving the family.
Prepare for refusal and a long road. Some parents react angrily at first, become silent by year three and say “Go, then” by year ten. For the worst situation, Scripture says:
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahweh will take me up.” (Psalm 27:10)
Here is hope.
Timothy was Paul's closest co-worker. Of his faith Paul writes:
“…the sincere faith that is in you, which lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice…” (2 Timothy 1:5)
Paul points it out deliberately: the faith was first in the grandmother and the mother, and then it reached Timothy. Faith travels through generations this way.
We do not know whether Lois was her family's first believer. Yet someone must begin. You may be that person: the first to be found, rather than someone betraying ancestors.
You need no complete explanation. The man born blind, repeatedly questioned after healing, answered:
“I don't know if he is a sinner. One thing I do know: that though I was blind, now I see.” (John 9:25)
You need not defeat everyone in debate. Tell what genuinely happened to you.
If caught in this difficult position, take three small steps today.
Read John 1, speak one sentence of your own to God, and do a visible good for family: wash dishes, call or stay a little longer.
The third matters as much as the first two. Your honouring them is the first passage of the gospel they can read.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, I seek you in difficult circumstances and cannot speak openly. Do not despise this fragile desire. Care for it and my parents, whose opposition comes from love and fear that I will go astray. Let them see a better child rather than a more distant one. At the right time, give me someone to walk beside. In the name of the Lord Jesus, amen.
Further reading:
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