The Early Years of Marriage, Lesson 8. Read 1 Sam 1:21-28. Once a child arrives, all that's left between you is dividing up the jobs; or no child comes, and pressure from both families leaves you breathless.
Main passage: 1 Sam 1:21-28
Hannah prayed for a child for many years and was given Samuel; when he was weaned, she brought him to Shiloh and said, "I prayed for this child; and Yahweh has given me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore I have also given him to Yahweh." "Children are a heritage of Yahweh"; they are entrusted to us, not something to fill up a marriage. When children come, husband and wife still need to care for each other; when children are slow to come, a person is not incomplete before God.
Once a baby is born, home changes overnight. Waking every three hours at night, taking turns to hold and feed, too tired even to talk; grandparents moving in to help, and the household rules changing with them; the only conversations left between husband and wife are "Is there any formula left?" and "Who's taking time off tomorrow for the vaccination?" Little by little, the two of you become like colleagues on the same project team, cooperating well but rarely looking at each other when you talk. There is another kind of hardship too: years into marriage, no child has come, both families keep pressing, and every festival feels like an exam.
1 Samuel 1 tells of a woman who longed for a child. Hannah had been childless for many years, and her rival Peninnah "provoked her severely" (1 Samuel 1:6); she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah said to her:
Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why don't you eat? Why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:8)
The text makes no comment on Elkanah's words, and readers often hear two things in them: he loved her and did not look down on her for being childless; yet his comfort seems not to have reached the pain in her heart. Later, in the temple, Hannah "was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to Yahweh, weeping bitterly" (1 Samuel 1:10), and made a vow; Yahweh remembered her, and she bore Samuel.
This lesson reads what happened next. The following year the whole family went up to Shiloh to offer the sacrifice, but Hannah did not go; she told her husband, "Not until the child is weaned; then I will bring him" (1 Samuel 1:22). Elkanah answered:
Elkanah her husband said to her, "Do what seems good to you. Wait until you have weaned him; only may Yahweh establish his word." So the woman waited and nursed her son, until she weaned him. (1 Samuel 1:23)
Hannah told her husband her plan, and Elkanah gave his support; the text doesn't say how they discussed it beforehand. From this we can draw an application: today, major decisions about children are best made by husband and wife together, safely, as equals and without coercion. When the child was weaned, Hannah brought him to Eli and said, "I prayed for this child; and Yahweh has given me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore I have also given him to Yahweh. As long as he lives he is given to Yahweh" (1 Samuel 1:27-28).
What Hannah did was the fulfilment of her own vow; it does not ask every parent to send their child away. What the passage lets us see is how she regarded this child: he was given by God, and ultimately belonged to God. The psalm says, "Behold, children are a heritage of Yahweh. The fruit of the womb is his reward" (Psalms 127:3). Children are entrusted to us; they are not our report card, nor something to fill up a marriage or hold on to a spouse.
After children come, there are often a few things husband and wife need to learn. First, place the child in God's hands, and don't load all our security and hope onto them. Second, the marriage can't be reduced to a division of labour: however tired you are, keep a little time to look at each other when you talk, and to pray for each other. Third, make major decisions about the children together, safely, as equals and without coercion, and explain them gently to the grandparents who come to help. Fourth, be understanding of each other: the physical and emotional changes after giving birth are real, and post-natal low mood, anxiety and even depression need to be noticed, with medical help when needed.
This passage also speaks to couples for whom children are slow to come. Hannah's pain was real, and Scripture does not make light of it; but nor does it promise that "if you just pray more, you're sure to have one." Elkanah's "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" was his comfort to Hannah; the text doesn't comment on it, and we won't make the sentence carry more than it does. What can be said clearly is this: a person's worth, and whether a marriage is a true marriage, do not depend on being able to have children. The pain of infertility or miscarriage can be brought honestly to God, and medical help can be sought too.
One more distinction: if at home there is hitting, threatening, pressure to have or to terminate a pregnancy, using children as bargaining chips, or someone unable to keep themselves and the child safe, that is not "settling in"; put safety first and find help.
1. The background. In 1:1-20 Hannah, childless for years and provoked by her rival, weeps and prays, makes a vow, Yahweh remembers her, and she bears Samuel. This lesson reads what follows, the fulfilment of the vow.
2. Elkanah's words. 1:8, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" receives no comment from the text. We can hear his love, and also that his comfort did not reach her pain; we won't add more to his inner life than that.
3. She told her husband, and he supported her. In 1:22-23 Hannah tells her husband her plan, and Elkanah says, "Do what seems good to you." The text doesn't say how they discussed it beforehand; that major decisions about children today are made together by husband and wife is an application drawn from this.
4. Fulfilling a vow is not a general command. In 1:27-28 Hannah gives Samuel to Yahweh as she had vowed; this does not ask every parent to send their child away, but lets us see that children are given by God and belong to God.
5. "A heritage of Yahweh." Psalm 127:3 says children are a heritage from Yahweh and his reward. This does not mean that those without children are not blessed.
Opening words (leader reads)
What we share in the group stays in the group. There is an exception: if there is ongoing harm, a risk to a child or vulnerable person, or immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, the leader cannot promise complete confidentiality. Normally, the leader will first try to discuss this with the person and share only necessary information with those who can actually help. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is involved, or there is immediate danger, do not wait for consent. Contact a pastor, qualified professionals, local police, emergency services or medical services as appropriate. In immediate danger, get help straight away and do not leave the person alone.
Warm-up: Is there a funny story from "when the children were little" that your family has told for years? (Stories from your own childhood are fine too; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Keep it light; a laugh is fine. Then add one sentence: children bring a home many stories, and a lot of chaos too.
Lesson recap (leader reads, about 1 minute, for those who didn't prepare)
This lesson covers 1 Samuel 1:21-28. Hannah had been childless for many years; she wept and prayed in the temple, Yahweh remembered her, and she bore Samuel. The next year, Elkanah and his household went up to Shiloh to offer the yearly sacrifice, but Hannah did not go; she said to her husband: when the child is weaned, I will bring him to appear before Yahweh. Elkanah said: do what seems good to you; may Yahweh establish his word. When the child was weaned, Hannah brought him to Eli and said: I prayed for this child, and Yahweh has given me what I asked of him; therefore I have given him to Yahweh, for as long as he lives. We'll compare this with Psalm 127: children are a heritage from Yahweh, the fruit of the womb his reward. Today we're talking together about life after children come (or while they are slow to come).
1. Read verses 21-23. What plan did Hannah tell her husband? How did Elkanah answer?
Leader note: When the child was weaned, she would bring him to appear before Yahweh and stay there for ever; Elkanah said, "Do what seems good to you," and may Yahweh establish his word.
2. Read verses 24-28. When the child was weaned, what did Hannah do? What did she say to Eli?
Leader note: She took the child up to Shiloh with bulls, flour and wine, and brought him to Eli; she said she was the woman who had prayed there, that Yahweh had given her what she asked, and so she had given the child to Yahweh.
3. Read Psalm 127:3, and look again at 1 Samuel 1:8. What does the psalm say about children? Before Hannah had a child, what did Elkanah say to her?
Leader note: Children are a heritage of Yahweh, the fruit of the womb his reward. Elkanah said, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?"
4. Hannah said, "Yahweh has given me my petition... Therefore I have also given him to Yahweh." Her vow is not something every parent is asked to do; so how does this passage shape the way we see children? Once children come, why do couples so easily end up with nothing but a division of labour?
Leader note: This is the lesson's center question; leave plenty of time. Children are given by God and entrusted to us, ultimately belonging to God; they are not our report card, nor something to fill up a marriage or hold on to a spouse. When children come, with tiredness, busyness and grandparents helping, a couple's conversation shrinks to logistics; placing the child in God's hands makes room for husband and wife to care for each other. You can connect this with "Staying Together for the Children" in the Through the Hard Seasons of Marriage series.
5. Hannah told her husband her plan, and Elkanah said, "Do what seems good to you." The text doesn't say how they discussed it; today, how can husband and wife make major decisions about children together, safely, as equals and without coercion? And how should they relate to the grandparents who come to help?
Leader note: Safely, as equals and without coercion, the couple first agree on major matters, then explain them gently to the grandparents together; respect each other's views; thank the grandparents for their help, and also make clear what the two of you have decided. The physical and emotional changes after giving birth need to be noticed, with medical help when needed.
6. (Flexible question; discuss if time allows) Hannah was childless for many years; Scripture does not make light of her pain, and also records Elkanah's comfort. How can the church walk alongside couples for whom children are slow to come?
Leader note: The pain is real; it can be brought honestly to God, and medical help can be sought; Scripture does not promise "if you pray more you will certainly have one." Don't use Elkanah's words to prove anything; what can be said clearly is that a person's worth, and whether a marriage is a true marriage, do not depend on being able to have children. The church doesn't press couples to have children and doesn't probe; it walks alongside them, and remembers that festivals may be harder for them.
7. Since children came (or in the days of waiting for a child), what most needs care between us as husband and wife? (Talk about yourself; you don't have to talk about children; if you'd rather not talk, you can just listen; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: The leader shares first. Just listen; don't comment on other people's homes. If someone says they can't go on or don't want to live, follow the note above about thoughts of suicide: stay with them on the spot, don't wait until after the meeting.
8. Where the relationship is safe and you are willing, what one thing will you do for your spouse this week? If that doesn't apply, you could do one thing for a couple who are waiting for a child.
Leader note: Lead toward specifics: where the relationship is safe, let the other person have a full night's sleep; only where both are willing and it won't bring retaliation, after the baby is asleep, talk for ten minutes about something other than the children; where there is harm or control, don't use this question to arrange a conversation, and don't ask the hurt person to do more; seek help on your own first; pray for a couple waiting for a child, without probing. Build your action list from this.
Ask one member to read 1 Samuel 1:26-28 slowly, then Psalm 127:3, and everyone is silent for a minute. Those willing can pray a sentence or two: giving thanks for children, placing children in God's hands, asking strength for exhausted couples, or asking comfort for those waiting for a child or who have lost a child. Those who don't want to speak can pray silently—that's prayer too; first-time visitors can listen quietly and don't need to pray or commit to anything. The leader then gathers up and prays for each person's home. Prayer requests stay within the group. Do not put sensitive matters in the app or share them in a group chat. For routine follow-up, first obtain the person’s consent, then privately note only the necessary sentence or two. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is at risk, or there is immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, do not wait for consent: contact local emergency services, police or appropriate protective services immediately.
You might begin this way (prayer direction):
Yahweh, children are a heritage from you. Thank you for entrusting children to us; we place them in your hands. When children come, we often become so tired that we only divide the work and forget to care for each other; help husbands and wives keep loving each other and decide major matters together. Comfort those who are waiting for a child or have lost a child, and let them know they are whole in your sight. Keep those who are low after giving birth, and protect children and adults who are being harmed at home. In Jesus's name, amen.
After prayer, each person chooses one from below to do this week. Just one; if you can't decide right now, that's okay.
No need to record it or report it; you're welcome to share next time if you'd like. If you didn't manage something, bring the obstacle to prayer.
If you came as a couple, each think about these first at home, then share at a time when you're both not too tired. If you came alone, you can think only about question 1 and take it to prayer.
When you exchange answers, one speaks and the other only listens, without comparing who is more tired or rushing to explain. When they finish, say, "Thank you for telling me." If there is hitting or threatening at home, if money or identity documents are being controlled, if one of you is not allowed to see others, or if either of you fears retaliation for speaking, skip this homework, do not use it to arrange a negotiation or confrontation, and seek help on your own as in the action list.
You could choose “Children Are a Heritage from the Lord” in the Raising Children series (Psalms 127), or “Faith Lived Out in Everyday Life” in the Raising Children series (Deuteronomy 6:4–9).