Preparing for Marriage, Lesson 8. Read Josh 24:14-18. Wedding preparations fill the calendar, but you rarely stop to think what kind of home you will build once married.
Main passage: Josh 24:14-18
Joshua said to Israel, "as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh." The psalm says, "Unless Yahweh builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." The wedding is one day; a home is built over a lifetime. Before marriage, think clearly before God: whom will this home serve, and on whom will it rely to be built? If you both believe and are willing, you can talk it through together and turn it into everyday things; if one of you doesn't yet believe, the believer decides only about their own faithfulness and doesn't make declarations for the other.
There is so much to prepare before a wedding: photos, booking the banquet, sending invitations, decorating the flat, the paperwork. The schedule is packed, yet few people stop to ask: after we marry, what kind of home will we have? A home where each goes off to work, each scrolls on their phone, and occasionally we eat together? Or a home with prayer, the Bible, the church, and a door often open to others? If we don't think about these things first, life will decide them for us.
In Joshua 24, Joshua, now old, gathers all the tribes of Israel at Shechem and recounts how God has led them, from Abraham onwards. Then he says, "Now therefore fear Yahweh, and serve him in sincerity and in truth" (Joshua 24:14). He calls the people to put away the idols their ancestors served beyond the River and in Egypt, and sets a choice before them: choose today whom you will serve. Then come the words that hang on the wall in many Christian homes:
but as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh. (Joshua 24:15)
Before all Israel, Joshua publicly declared where he and his household stood. The people answered, "Far be it from us that we should forsake Yahweh" (Joshua 24:16), for it was Yahweh who brought them out of the house of bondage and preserved them all the way (Joshua 24:17). Their answer rested on what God had already done. Yet Joshua was not satisfied with that; instead he said, "You can't serve Yahweh, for he is a holy God" (Joshua 24:19), and told them to put away the idols among them and "incline your heart to Yahweh" (Joshua 24:23). This is not picking a lifestyle you like; it is a serious covenant. Good intentions spoken aloud are not enough; idols must truly be put away. And it shows that to be faithful to God, people cannot do without his grace.
Applied to a couple about to marry, this passage helps us ask a few questions. First, whom will we serve? Today's "idols" are not necessarily wood and stone; they may be the flat, the children's grades, face, work, the phone. Whatever a home puts at the centre, its days revolve around. Second, each person needs to stand firm before God first: the text does not teach anything through the word order "me, then my house," but Joshua's public declaration can lead us to examine our own direction; no one can make a faith decision for their spouse, and marriage doesn't turn the other person spiritual overnight. Faith in a home can't be forced; it grows little by little by grace. Third, the choice needs to show up in daily life: if you both believe, you can pray together, read the Bible together, go to church together on Sundays, and discuss how to give; either way, you'll need to think about how to treat both families, and to whom your door is open.
Psalm 127 reminds us that none of this rests on the strength of two people:
Unless Yahweh builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless Yahweh watches over the city, the watchman guards it in vain. (Psalms 127:1)
A flat can be bought with the savings of two families, but a home has to rely on God to be built. Our building and guarding are in vain without him; this does not guarantee a home free from suffering, but it means we don't put the whole outcome on human plans, ability or willpower. This is both a reminder and a comfort: we don't need to treat building a Christian home as yet another exam; we can hand it over to God day by day.
This home is not on its own either. At the wedding, brothers and sisters are witnesses; after the wedding, a home needs the support of the church, and it can also be a blessing to others: inviting someone for a meal, keeping company with a young person new to the city, praying for the neighbours.
Finally, two things need to be made clear. First, if one of you doesn't yet believe, this lesson does not suggest "marry first and slowly bring them to faith"; this needs to be talked through seriously with a pastor before marriage (you could go on to read "Look at Character, Not Just Credentials" in the Singleness and Dating series). Second, a home that serves God is not a home where one person has the final say over everything. Using "spirituality" to control the other person, allowing them no thoughts, friends or money of their own, is not what Joshua meant by "me and my house." Stop and find help.
1. Joshua first recounts what God has done. 24:2-13 goes from Abraham all the way to entering Canaan, and only then says, "Now therefore fear Yahweh" (verse 14). The choice to serve rests on what God has already done.
2. "Choose today." In verse 15 Joshua sets the choice before the people; this is a covenant renewal for all Israel. Verse 14 first commands them to put away idols, and verses 19-24 then seriously challenge their too-quick commitment.
3. A public declaration of allegiance. In verse 15 Joshua publicly declares where he and his household stand. Today this can lead us to examine a home's direction, but no one can make a faith decision for their spouse.
4. The people's answer and Joshua's reminder. In verses 16-18 the people say they will never forsake Yahweh, because he brought them out of the house of bondage; in verses 19-24 Joshua reminds them that God is holy, and that covenant means truly putting away idols and inclining their hearts to him.
5. God builds the house. Psalm 127:1 says that unless Yahweh builds, those who build labour in vain. This means human building must rely on God; it is not a guarantee that a home will have no suffering.
Opening words (leader reads)
What we share in the group stays in the group. There is an exception: if there is ongoing harm, a risk to a child or vulnerable person, or immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, the leader cannot promise complete confidentiality. Normally, the leader will first try to discuss this with the person and share only necessary information with those who can actually help. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is involved, or there is immediate danger, do not wait for consent. Contact a pastor, qualified professionals, local police, emergency services or medical services as appropriate. In immediate danger, get help straight away and do not leave the person alone.
Warm-up: Of the homes you have visited, which felt the warmest? Why? (First-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Keep it light: a classmate's family who always kept you for dinner, an elderly person's home with family photos all over the walls. Then add one sentence: homes differ in size, but what makes them feel warm is usually how the people inside live.
Lesson recap (leader reads, about 1 minute, for those who didn't prepare)
This lesson covers Joshua 24:14-18. When Joshua was old, he gathered all the tribes of Israel at Shechem, recounted how God had led them, and said: now fear Yahweh and serve him in sincerity and truth, and put away the idols your ancestors served; if it seems wrong to you to serve Yahweh, choose today whom you will serve; but as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh. The people answered: far be it from us to forsake Yahweh, for he brought us out of the house of slavery and protected us all the way; therefore we too will serve Yahweh. We'll compare this with Psalm 127: unless Yahweh builds the house, those who build it labour in vain. Today we're talking together about what kind of home we want to build.
1. Read verses 14-15. How does Joshua tell the people to serve Yahweh? What choice does he set before them? What does he declare for himself?
Leader note: Fear Yahweh, serve him in sincerity and truth, and put away the idols your ancestors served; choose today whom you will serve; he says, "as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh."
2. Read verses 16-18. How do the people answer? What reasons do they give?
Leader note: Far be it from them to forsake Yahweh to serve other gods; because Yahweh brought them and their fathers out of the house of bondage in Egypt, did great signs before their eyes, preserved them all the way, and drove out the peoples of the land.
3. Read Psalm 127:1. What does the psalmist say happens if it is not Yahweh who builds the house and watches over the city?
Leader note: Those who build labour in vain, and the watchman guards in vain.
4. Joshua said, "as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh." What most easily takes the centre of a home today? For those about to marry, what specific things does "whom we will serve" come down to? What differs between both partners believing, and one not yet believing?
Leader note: This is the lesson's center question; leave plenty of time. Today's idols may be the flat, the children's grades, face, work, the phone. Whatever a home puts at the centre, its days revolve around. If both believe and are willing, it can come down to specific things: praying together, reading the Bible, going to church together on Sundays, how to give, how to treat both families, to whom your door is open. If one doesn't yet believe, the two can talk honestly about what each hopes for in the home's faith life; the believer decides about their own faithfulness, makes no declarations for the other, and the couple meet with a pastor before marriage.
5. After hearing the people's answer, Joshua said, "You can't serve Yahweh" (Joshua 24:19); the psalm says that unless Yahweh builds, the builders labour in vain. Taken together, what reminder and what comfort do these give us for building a Christian home?
Leader note: Reminder: good intentions spoken aloud are not enough; idols must truly be put away; each person must first stand firm before God, no one can make a faith decision for their spouse, and faith in a home grows by grace, not by force. Comfort: our building must rely on God; this doesn't guarantee freedom from suffering, but it means we don't have to carry the whole outcome ourselves, and can hand it over to him day by day.
6. (Flexible question; discuss if time allows) How can a home that serves God also be a blessing to others? What kind of relationship can a newly married home have with the church?
Leader note: Inviting people for meals, keeping company with a young person new to the city, praying for neighbours, serving in a small group. A home needs the church's support, and it can also open its door to others.
7. What would I most like my future (or present) home to be like? What do I want to bring from the home I grew up in, and what do I want to change? (Talk about yourself; if you'd rather not talk, you can just listen; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: The leader shares first. Just listen; don't comment on other people's families of origin.
8. This week, what small, concrete thing are you willing to begin for "me and my house"?
Leader note: Lead toward specifics: if both are willing, pray together for five minutes, talk about which church to attend on Sundays after the wedding, read a book of the Bible together; if one doesn't yet believe, the believer can pray for the home on their own, or invite a friend over for a meal. Build your action list from this.
Ask one member to read Joshua 24:15 slowly, then Psalm 127:1, and everyone is silent for a minute. Those willing can pray a sentence or two: thanking God for his leading so far, placing their future (or present) home in his hands, or praying for family members who don't yet believe. Those who don't want to speak can pray silently—that's prayer too; first-time visitors can listen quietly and don't need to pray or commit to anything. The leader then gathers up and prays for each person. Prayer requests stay within the group. Do not put sensitive matters in the app or share them in a group chat. For routine follow-up, first obtain the person’s consent, then privately note only the necessary sentence or two. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is at risk, or there is immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, do not wait for consent: contact local emergency services, police or appropriate protective services immediately.
You might begin this way (prayer direction):
Yahweh, thank you for leading us all the way to today. Those of us who are willing to trust you, make us faithful to you first, and guide our homes by your grace. Work in our own hearts; help us put away the idols there and serve you in sincerity and truth. Unless you build the house, we labour in vain; build our homes, for we rely on you and not on our own plans and strength; and make these homes a blessing to others. And protect those who are being controlled or harmed in their relationships. In Jesus's name, amen.
After prayer, each person chooses one from below to do this week. Just one; if you can't decide right now, that's okay.
No need to record it or report it; you're welcome to share next time if you'd like. If you didn't manage something, bring the obstacle to prayer.
If you came as a couple, each think about these first at home, then tell each other. If you came alone, or one of you doesn't yet believe, you can think about question 1 yourself, and change question 2 to "What is the first thing I myself am willing to begin for this home?"
When you exchange answers, one speaks and the other only listens, without rushing to correct or comparing with other people's homes. Decide question 2 together when you are both willing, and once it's decided, write it on paper; don't press a partner who doesn't yet believe for any statement of faith. If, while dating, there is hitting or threatening, if money or identity documents are being controlled, if one of you is not allowed to see others, or if either of you fears retaliation for speaking, skip this homework, do not use it to arrange a negotiation or confrontation, and seek help on your own as in the action list.
You could choose “Marriage Is a Lifelong Covenant” in the Harmony in Marriage series (Genesis 2:18–25), or “Children Are a Heritage from the Lord” in the Raising Children series (Psalms 127).