Preparing for Marriage, Lesson 6. Read Prov 27:23-27. Talking about money feels vulgar, so credit cards, online loans and money sent home never get discussed, and come to light one by one after the wedding.
Main passage: Prov 27:23-27
Proverbs says, "Know well the state of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds: for riches are not forever." Jesus says, "He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much." For believers, money is entrusted by God. Before marriage, laying out income, debts, spending, giving and responsibilities to parents and talking them through is being honest with each other, and learning to be faithful stewards.
While dating, talking about money can seem a bit vulgar. When the wedding approaches, money matters come up one after another: how much is left to pay on his credit-card instalments? How much does she send home each month? Online loans, buy-now-pay-later accounts, money lent to friends, how much of the deposit for the flat came from parents. After the wedding, will the salaries be pooled or kept separate? One person feels "saving is what makes me feel secure," the other feels "money is there to be spent." Many couples' worst fights after marriage are not about big things but about money, often because things were not made clear beforehand and only came to light one by one afterwards.
Near the end of Proverbs 27 there are words for a shepherd:
Know well the state of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds: (Proverbs 27:23)
for riches are not forever, nor does the crown endure to all generations. (Proverbs 27:24)
Flocks and herds were a family's main livelihood and assets in those days. Proverbs tells people to "know well" and "pay attention," not to drift along carelessly. The reason: riches are not forever. Money comes and goes; precisely because it can't be relied on, it needs to be managed with clear eyes. Verses 25 to 27 paint a picture of a shepherd caring for the flock through the seasons and providing for the household: the hay is cut and new growth appears, lambs provide clothing, goats can buy a field, goats' milk feeds the whole family. This is wisdom that encourages faithful care, not a guarantee that "hard work will always bring the same result," still less a promise of getting rich.
In Luke 16 Jesus says:
He who is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much. He who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. (Luke 16:10)
Then he says, "If therefore you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?" (Luke 16:11). Here money is called "a very little." It is not what matters most, but it is a mirror: how a person handles money often shows how they handle trust, and how they treat God. For believers, money was never really ours; it is entrusted to us by God, and we are his stewards.
Before marriage, a few things are worth laying out and discussing. First, honesty: each person's income, savings and debts (credit cards, instalments, online loans, borrowing, guarantees), without hiding or exaggerating. Hidden debts often become the thing that damages trust most after marriage. Second, habits: how each of you spends and saves, and how you saw your parents handle money. Third, responsibilities: what each of you will take on for both sets of parents, and whether siblings need help. Fourth, giving: if you both believe and are willing, you can discuss how to give together cheerfully; if one of you doesn't yet believe, the believer still needs to explain honestly their intention to give and how the amount affects the household budget, and agree an arrangement you can both accept, without making a spiritual commitment on the other person's behalf. Fifth, how to manage together: how shared expenses will be arranged after the wedding, and how large sums will be decided.
These conversations need honesty, and also kindness. We don't earn God's acceptance with income, savings or appearances, and we don't need them to earn the other person's acceptance either; precisely because we have already been accepted in Christ, we can admit what we have hidden, accept help, take responsibility, and learn again to be faithful stewards. When you hear that the other person has debts or bad habits, don't rush to fall out, and don't brush it aside; you can make a plan together for repaying debt and changing, and if needed, find someone trustworthy who understands finances to help.
One more thing needs to be said: managing money together does not mean one person controlling the other completely. Demanding, even before marriage, that the other hand over their whole salary, bank cards and passwords, report every expense for approval, have no money of their own to use, or borrow or act as guarantor on your behalf, is not "being sensible with money"; it is a sign of control. Stop and find help.
1. "Know well," "pay attention." Proverbs 27:23 speaks of a shepherd's care for what he has. Managing money is not a vulgar matter; it is care entrusted by God.
2. "Riches are not forever." 27:24 says that wealth and crowns don't last. Precisely because they are unreliable, they need to be managed with clear eyes, and we shouldn't place our sense of security in them.
3. Everyday provision. 27:25-27 pictures a shepherd caring for the flock through the seasons: new growth comes again, lambs provide clothing, goats buy a field, goats' milk feeds the whole family. This is a picture of wisdom that encourages faithful care, not a guarantee, still less a promise of getting rich.
4. "A very little." Luke 16:10 calls money "a very little"; it is not what matters most, but it shows whether a person is faithful.
5. "The true riches" are entrusted. Luke 16:11 asks who will entrust the true riches to those who are not faithful with unrighteous mammon. Money is entrusted by God; we are stewards.
Opening words (leader reads)
What we share in the group stays in the group. There is an exception: if there is ongoing harm, a risk to a child or vulnerable person, or immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, the leader cannot promise complete confidentiality. Normally, the leader will first try to discuss this with the person and share only necessary information with those who can actually help. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is involved, or there is immediate danger, do not wait for consent. Contact a pastor, qualified professionals, local police, emergency services or medical services as appropriate. In immediate danger, get help straight away and do not leave the person alone.
Warm-up: When you were a child, who handled the money in your family? What is one thing you remember to do with money? (First-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Keep it light: a piggy bank, New Year red-envelope money "kept safe" by your parents, parents arguing about money. Then add one sentence: a lot of our attitudes to money come from home.
Lesson recap (leader reads, about 1 minute, for those who didn't prepare)
This lesson covers Proverbs 27:23-27. Proverbs says: know well the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds, for riches do not last forever, and a crown does not endure to every generation. When the hay is cut and new growth appears and the grass of the hills is gathered, the lambs will provide your clothing and the goats the price of a field, and there will be enough goats' milk for your food and your household. We'll compare this with Luke 16: whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; if you have not been faithful with unrighteous wealth, who will entrust you with the true riches? Today we're talking together about getting money matters clear before marriage.
1. Read verses 23-24. What does Proverbs tell people to do about their flocks and herds? What reason does it give?
Leader note: Know well the state of the flocks and pay attention to the herds; because riches are not forever, and the crown does not endure to all generations.
2. Read verses 25-27. What everyday provision does the passage describe? What is the shepherd in this picture doing?
Leader note: The hay is cut and new growth appears; lambs provide clothing, goats can buy a field, goats' milk feeds yourself and your family and your servant girls. The shepherd cuts hay and tends the flock through the seasons. You can add: this is a picture of wisdom, not a formula of "do this and you will surely get that."
3. Read Luke 16:10-11. How does Jesus speak of "a very little" and "much"? What is money seen as here?
Leader note: Faithful in a very little, faithful also in much; money is called "a very little" here, and if someone is not faithful with it, who will entrust them with the true riches?
4. Proverbs says "know well" and "pay attention," because "riches are not forever." Why does money's unreliability make it all the more important to manage it with clear eyes? For a couple about to marry, what does "knowing well" include?
Leader note: This is the lesson's center question; leave plenty of time. Money comes and goes, so we don't put our sense of security in it; and for that very reason we can't drift along carelessly. Before marriage, "knowing well" includes: each person's income, savings and debts (credit cards, instalments, online loans, borrowing, guarantees), spending and saving habits, responsibilities to parents, thoughts on giving, and how you will manage together after marriage. Hidden debts often become the thing that damages trust most after marriage.
5. Jesus calls money "a very little," yet says that faithfulness with it shows whether a person is faithful in much. Why is money a mirror? How might "we are stewards, not owners" change the way two people talk about money?
Leader note: How we handle money often shows how we handle trust, honesty and God. For believers, money is entrusted by God and we are stewards, so talking about money is more than a tug of war over "yours and mine": it calls for honesty, discussion, cheerful giving, and care for the other person's worries. If both believe, they can see it this way together; if one doesn't yet believe, the believer keeps their own faithfulness without making a spiritual commitment on the other's behalf.
6. (Flexible question; discuss if time allows) What are the visible differences between "managing money together" and "one person controlling the other"?
Leader note: Managing together means being open with each other, discussing large sums, each having a little money of your own to use, and trusting each other. Control means demanding the whole salary and bank passwords, requiring approval for every expense, allowing no money of your own, pressuring someone to borrow or act as guarantor. The latter is a danger sign; if you see it before marriage, stop and find help.
7. What habit or attitude towards money have I brought from the family I grew up in? Which do I want to keep, and which do I want to change? (Only habits and attitudes, not figures; if you'd rather not talk, you can just listen; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: The leader shares first. Just listen; don't judge who spends too much or who is too tight.
8. This week, which money matter are you willing to talk through first with your partner (or family)?
Leader note: Lead toward specifics, and only where the relationship is safe, both are willing, it won't bring retaliation, and both can speak freely: each list your debts and show them to the other; talk about responsibilities to both sets of parents; set a budget for the wedding and the first year of marriage; talk about giving (if one of you doesn't yet believe, talk about how giving affects the budget and what arrangement you can both accept). If there is a serious hidden fact, pressure to borrow or act as guarantor, or demands for bank cards or passwords, don't require face-to-face disclosure or try to sort it out together; pause the wedding plans first and each seek independent help. Build your action list from this.
Ask one member to read Proverbs 27:23-27 slowly, then Luke 16:10, and everyone is silent for a minute. Those willing can pray a sentence or two: thanking God for his provision, admitting their own fear or greed about money, or asking God to help two people be honest with each other about money. Those who don't want to speak can pray silently—that's prayer too; first-time visitors can listen quietly and don't need to pray or commit to anything. The leader then gathers up and prays for each person. Prayer requests stay within the group. Do not put sensitive matters in the app or share them in a group chat. For routine follow-up, first obtain the person’s consent, then privately note only the necessary sentence or two. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is at risk, or there is immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, do not wait for consent: contact local emergency services, police or appropriate protective services immediately.
You might begin this way (prayer direction):
Father, all we have comes from you; riches are not forever, but you are faithful forever. Make us honest about money, neither hiding nor exaggerating; make us faithful in a very little, faithful stewards of yours. Give us wisdom to talk things through together; those of us who trust you, make us cheerful givers; and help us care for each other's parents. Protect those who are being controlled in a relationship, or pressured to borrow, and give them courage to see clearly and to seek help. In Jesus's name, amen.
After prayer, each person chooses one from below to do this week. Just one; if you can't decide right now, that's okay.
No need to record it or report it; you're welcome to share next time if you'd like. If you didn't manage something, bring the obstacle to prayer.
If you came as a couple, each think about these first at home, then tell each other. If you came alone, you can think about question 1 yourself, then find a time to ask the other person.
When you exchange answers, one speaks and the other only listens, without rushing to disagree or comparing with the other's family. When they finish, say back what you heard in your own words. If, while dating, there is hitting or threatening, if money or identity documents are being controlled, if one of you is not allowed to see others, or if either of you fears retaliation for speaking, skip this homework, do not use it to arrange a negotiation or confrontation, and seek help on your own as in the action list.
You could choose “Debt and Guarantees” in the Money and Investing series (Proverbs 6:1–11), or “Everything Belongs to God” in the Money and Investing series (1 Chronicles 29:10–18).