Through the Hard Seasons of Marriage, Lesson 6. Read Job 2:7-13. A child seriously ill, a lost job, an elderly parent bedridden; one of you blames God, the other just pushes on, and each feels the other doesn't understand.
Main passage: Job 2:7-13
Job and his wife lost their children and their livelihood together, yet in their suffering they said very different things. When suffering presses on a home, husband and wife often bear it in different ways, and can easily turn against each other. Job said, "Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"—he said "we." In the Christ who suffered, two people can bear it together, and let others come and weep with them.
Sometimes one event bends a whole family. A child is diagnosed with a serious illness, someone is made redundant, an elderly parent has a stroke and is bedridden, a business is wiped out overnight. Life has to go on, but husband and wife seem to have fallen into different pits. One can't sleep at night, blames God, and says, "What good is believing in all this?" The other grits their teeth and keeps going, doesn't cry, doesn't talk, just runs to the hospital and chases every possible lead. One thinks the other is cold-hearted; the other thinks the first is only making things worse. When they argue, out comes "It's all your fault in the first place." The same event hurts both of them, yet neither feels understood by the other.
At the start of the book of Job, Job loses his livelihood and his ten children in a single day (Job 1:18-19). These are his wife's losses too. Then Job's own body is struck:
So Satan went out from the presence of Yahweh, and struck Job with painful sores from the sole of his foot to his head. (Job 2:7)
He sits among the ashes, scraping himself with a piece of broken pottery. At this point his wife says something very heavy:
Do you still maintain your integrity? Renounce God, and die. (Job 2:9)
Why she said this, the text does not tell us, and interpreters understand it differently: some see despair, some bitterness, and some a woman who cannot bear to watch her husband suffer like this. It is worth noticing that "Do you still maintain your integrity" echoes the very words with which Yahweh praised Job earlier (Job 2:3), and "renounce" is exactly what Satan predicted Job would do (Job 2:5). In suffering, the words of the person closest to us sometimes land right on the sorest place.
Job's reply is direct too:
But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. What? Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job didn't sin with his lips. (Job 2:10)
What he rejects is her words: he says she speaks "as one of the foolish women would speak." Then he says "we": shall we receive good at the hand of God, and not receive evil? The text does not tell us what was in his heart toward his wife as he said this; what is worth noticing is that he still says "we." Reading this today, we can take it as a reminder to suffering couples not to turn each other into enemies too easily.
Then three friends come. Seeing Job from a distance, they don't recognise him; they weep aloud and tear their robes, "So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great" (Job 2:13). Later they do speak, insisting that Job's suffering must mean he has sinned, and God says of them that they "have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job has" (Job 42:7). Those first seven days of quiet companionship stand in sharp contrast to their later rush to explain: being present, weeping with him, not hurrying to explain.
When suffering presses on a home, these are often the very things a couple needs to learn. First, accept that the other person is hurting too, only in a different way: some cry, some rage, some go silent, some throw themselves into doing things. Don't measure the other person by your own way of hurting. Second, when the other says something hurtful out of pain, you can respond to the words without pushing the person over to the other side. Third, don't carry it alone; invite people to come and sit with you and weep with you. Paul says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15).
Nor do we have to find an explanation for suffering. Job never received an answer to "why." What we have received is a Saviour who entered into suffering: Isaiah says of the suffering servant, "Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering" (Isaiah 53:4). Christ suffered and rose from the dead; in him, a suffering couple can weep together and hope together.
After a great blow, it is easy to sink into depression, and extreme behaviour can appear too. If someone is so exhausted that life seems pointless, or hitting begins at home, it is not something two people can get through by gritting their teeth; find help immediately.
1. His wife lost everything too. 1:18-19 records that the ten children died together and the livelihood was gone; these were Job's losses, and his wife's as well.
2. The text gives no reason for the words in verse 9. Some read despair, some bitterness, some a woman who could not bear to watch; we won't invent her inner life for her. Her words echo Yahweh's praise in 2:3 and Satan's prediction in 2:5.
3. Job rejects the words, and says "we." In verse 10 he says she speaks "as one of the foolish women would speak," then asks, "Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?" The text does not tell us what was in his heart toward his wife.
4. Seven days of quiet companionship. In verse 13 they sat with him seven days and seven nights without a word; this contrasts with their later rush to explain, and God says their later speeches were not right (42:7).
5. The book of Job does not give the "why." The reader knows of the conversation in heaven; Job never does. The book does not explain all suffering as punishment.
Opening words (leader reads)
What we share in the group stays in the group. There is an exception: if there is ongoing harm, a risk to a child or vulnerable person, or immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, the leader cannot promise complete confidentiality. Normally, the leader will first try to discuss this with the person and share only necessary information with those who can actually help. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is involved, or there is immediate danger, do not wait for consent. Contact a pastor, qualified professionals, local police, emergency services or medical services as appropriate. In immediate danger, get help straight away and do not leave the person alone.
Warm-up: When you are upset, what do you usually do? (Talk to someone, be alone, go out for a walk, throw yourself into work... first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Keep it light; you'll find everyone is different. Then add one sentence: two people can bear the same hard thing in completely different ways, and that in itself is neither right nor wrong.
Lesson recap (leader reads, about 1 minute, for those who didn't prepare)
This lesson covers Job 2:7-13. Job had already lost his livelihood and his ten children; then he was struck with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head, and sat among the ashes scraping himself with a piece of pottery. His wife said to him: do you still hold on to your integrity? Curse God and die! Job said to her: you speak like a foolish woman; shall we receive good from God and not receive evil? In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job's three friends heard, and arranged to come together to comfort him. Seeing him from a distance, they wept aloud, and they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights without saying a word, because his grief was very great. We'll compare this with Romans 12: rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Today we're talking together about how husband and wife can bear suffering together when it presses on the home.
1. Read verses 7-8, and look at 1:18-19. What had Job and his wife already lost before this? What state is Job in now?
Leader note: Their livelihood and their ten children; Job is covered in painful sores from head to foot, sitting among the ashes and scraping himself with a piece of pottery. You can point out that these were his wife's losses too.
2. Read verses 9-10. What did Job's wife say? How did Job answer? Which word did he use that put the two of them together?
Leader note: "Do you still maintain your integrity? Renounce God, and die." Job said she spoke like one of the foolish women, and then, "Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"—he said "we."
3. Read verses 11-13. What did the three friends do when they arrived?
Leader note: Seeing him from a distance and not recognising him, they wept aloud, tore their robes, threw dust on their heads, and sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights without saying a word.
4. Job and his wife lost the same things, yet said very different things. When suffering presses on a home, why do husband and wife so easily turn against each other? What does Job's "we" remind us of?
Leader note: This is the lesson's center question; leave plenty of time. Each person bears pain in their own way: some cry, some rage, some go silent. In extreme pain, people measure the other by their own way of hurting, decide the other is cold-hearted or only making things worse, and look for someone to blame. Job rejected her words, yet still said "we." The text doesn't tell us what was in his heart, but read today it can remind us not to push the other person over to the other side too easily. We can respond to hurtful words while still acknowledging: we are in the same suffering.
5. For the first seven days the friends said nothing, but their later speeches were rebuked by God (Job 42:7). In suffering, what kind of companionship helps most? How can we invite others to weep with us?
Leader note: Being present, weeping together, not hurrying to explain or to give solutions. We can invite people specifically: come and sit at our home, make a trip to the hospital for us, have a meal with us. Being willing to let others into the hardship at home is what Romans 12:15 looks like.
6. (Flexible question; discuss if time allows) Job never received an answer to "why." Christ "has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering" (Isaiah 53:4). What does this mean for a suffering couple?
Leader note: We don't need to find a cause for suffering, and we don't need to pretend it doesn't hurt. Christ entered into human suffering and rose from the dead; in him, suffering is not a sign that God has abandoned us, and husband and wife can weep together and hope together.
7. When something big happens, how is my way of bearing pain different from my spouse's (or family member's)? How have I misunderstood them? (Talk about yourself; if you'd rather not talk, you can just listen; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: The leader shares first. Just listen; don't comment. If someone says they can't go on or don't want to live, follow the note above about thoughts of suicide: stay with them on the spot, don't wait until after the meeting.
8. This week, what one thing are you willing to do for a family member who is suffering, or for someone in the group who is suffering?
Leader note: Lead toward specifics: ask, "What's the hardest part for you?" and then just listen; invite a friend to come and sit at your home; make a trip to the hospital for someone or bring them a meal. Build your action list from this.
Ask one member to read Job 2:9-13 slowly, then Romans 12:15, and everyone is silent for a minute. Those willing can pray a sentence or two: telling God honestly about the hardship at home, praying for the other person's pain, or praying for families in the group who are suffering. Those who don't want to speak can pray silently—that's prayer too; first-time visitors can listen quietly and don't need to pray or commit to anything. The leader then gathers up and prays for each person's home. Prayer requests stay within the group. Do not put sensitive matters in the app or share them in a group chat. For routine follow-up, first obtain the person’s consent, then privately note only the necessary sentence or two. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is at risk, or there is immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, do not wait for consent: contact local emergency services, police or appropriate protective services immediately.
You might begin this way (prayer direction):
Lord, you have borne our sickness and carried our suffering. You see all the hardship in our homes; we don't understand why, and we often blame each other. Help us to see that the other is hurting too; help us to say "we," and not push each other to the other side. Send people to weep with us, and teach us to walk alongside others. Keep those who are discouraged to the point of despair, and do not let them be alone. In Jesus's name, amen.
After prayer, each person chooses one from below to do this week. Just one; if you can't decide right now, that's okay.
No need to record it or report it; you're welcome to share next time if you'd like. If you didn't manage something, bring the obstacle to prayer.
If you came as a couple, each think about these first at home, then share with each other at a time when you are both calm. If you came alone, you can think only about question 1 and take it to prayer.
When you exchange answers, one speaks and the other only listens, without correcting the other's feelings or comparing who has it harder. When they finish, say, "Thank you for telling me." If there is hitting or threatening at home, if money or identity documents are being controlled, if one of you is not allowed to see others, or if either of you fears retaliation for speaking, skip this homework, do not use it to arrange a negotiation or confrontation, and seek help on your own as in the action list.
You could choose “Walking Alongside Someone Who Is Depressed” in the Sanctifying Our Emotional Responses series (Job 2:1–13), or “Walking Alongside Those Who Suffer” in the Overcoming in Suffering series (2 Corinthians 1:3–11).