Growing Old Together: Marriage in Later Life, Lesson 6. Read Ruth 4:1-13. Some years after losing your spouse you would like a companion again, but your children object over the inheritance and others gossip.
Main passage: Ruth 4:1-13
Paul says that if a woman's husband dies, "she is free to be married to whomever she desires, only in the Lord." Boaz settled both the land and the marriage openly at the city gate before the elders. Remarrying later in life can be done openly before the Lord, and remaining single is also a good path in the Lord; neither depends on ourselves, but on grace.
A few years after a spouse dies, the house feels far too quiet. No one to hand you a glass of water when you're ill, no one to say a word when you wake in the night. At a seniors' college, at church, or in the neighbourhood, you meet someone easy to talk to, and the thought of finding a companion again stirs. But before you've said a word, the difficulties arrive: the children worry that the flat and the savings will end up in a stranger's hands, and some flatly refuse; relatives comment, "It's only been a few years"; there's gossip at church too. And some older people have lost a lifetime's savings to romance scams, which makes children all the more wary.
The Bible does not avoid the subject of remarriage. Paul wrote to the church in Corinth:
A wife is bound by law for as long as her husband lives; but if the husband is dead, she is free to be married to whomever she desires, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)
"Free" means that after a spouse has died, remarriage is legitimate before God; it is not a betrayal of the one who has died. The condition is "only in the Lord," which most churches understand to mean that the new spouse is also a believer. Paul goes on: "But she is happier if she stays as she is, in my judgment" (1 Corinthians 7:40). Earlier in the same chapter he explains that this is "because of the distress that is on us" (1 Corinthians 7:26); what he values is undivided devotion to the Lord. So remarriage and singleness are both good paths in the Lord, and neither should look down on the other.
Ruth 4 records one of the Bible's best-known marriages. Ruth was a young widow, and Boaz a relative from her husband's clan, older than her; this situation is different from older people remarrying today, yet there is one thing well worth learning from: the way Boaz went about it. He didn't settle it privately. He went to the city gate, where people came and went and the elders judged matters, and asked ten elders to sit down as witnesses.
First he put the property question on the table: Naomi was selling the land that had belonged to Elimelech, and by custom the nearest relative had the first right to redeem it. As soon as that man heard that redeeming it meant marrying Ruth as well, he said:
I can't redeem it for myself, lest I endanger my own inheritance. Take my right of redemption for yourself; for I can't redeem it. (Ruth 4:6)
Worries about property are the same in every age. Boaz didn't dodge them or work behind the scenes; he did everything according to custom and in front of everyone:
You are witnesses today, that I have bought all that was Elimelech's, and all that was Chilion's and Mahlon's, from the hand of Naomi. (Ruth 4:9)
All the people at the gate and the elders said, "We are witnesses," and blessed them (Ruth 4:11). A marriage involving property, family, a widow, and a foreign woman was concluded openly before everyone.
Remarrying later in life can go the same way. Make the property arrangements clear: agree how assets brought into the marriage will be treated, write a will, and where needed consult a lawyer or a notary; where the relationship is safe and no one is putting on pressure, talk things through with your children, listen first to what worries them, and let them know your plans; at church, ask your pastor and trusted brothers and sisters to pray with you about it. Paul says, "Respect what is honorable in the sight of all men" (Romans 12:17); being open is a protection for both families. On the other hand, whether it's the person you are seeing or someone in your own family, if anyone presses you to transfer money, sign papers, or hand over property deeds or identity documents, keeps you from seeing your family, or tells you not to let the church know, that is the time to stop: don't meet alone, don't sign anything first, keep the documents, consult a lawyer or notary who has no interest in either side, and call the police if necessary.
One more thing needs to be said up front: our hope does not depend on whether we have a spouse. Those who remarry are in the Lord, and those who remain single are in the Lord; Christ is our final satisfaction, and whether or not that person is beside us, he is with us.
1. The city gate. In ancient Israel the city gate was where people came and went and the elders judged matters. Boaz chose to act there and asked ten elders to sit down, so that it would be public and witnessed.
2. "Lest I endanger my own inheritance." The nearest relative in verse 6 was worried about his own property. The text records that concern plainly, and Boaz did not avoid it; he settled it openly, according to custom.
3. This marriage has its own special background. Linking the redemption of land with marrying a widow was a family custom particular to ancient Israel, and Ruth was not elderly. What we learn from is the way Boaz acted, not the custom itself.
4. "Free to be married to whomever she desires." 1 Corinthians 7:39 says remarriage after a spouse's death is legitimate, on condition that it is "only in the Lord"; in 7:40 Paul adds that in his judgment she is happier if she remains as she is, which connects with "the distress" of 7:26. Both are paths in the Lord.
5. "What is honorable in the sight of all." Romans 12:17 tells us to take care to do what all people regard as honourable. Bringing property, family, and church matters into the open in a later-life marriage is one way of living this out.
Opening words (leader reads)
What we share in the group stays in the group. There is an exception: if there is ongoing harm, a risk to a child or vulnerable person, or immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, the leader cannot promise complete confidentiality. Normally, the leader will first try to discuss this with the person and share only necessary information with those who can actually help. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is involved, or there is immediate danger, do not wait for consent. Contact a pastor, qualified professionals, local police, emergency services or medical services as appropriate. In immediate danger, get help straight away and do not leave the person alone.
Warm-up: Of all the weddings you've been to, which one do you remember best? (First-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Keep it light: a village banquet that went on all day, your own parents' simple wedding, a wedding at church. Then add one sentence: a marriage has never been only about two people; it ties two families together.
Lesson recap (leader reads, about 1 minute, for those who didn't prepare)
This lesson covers Ruth 4:1-13. Boaz went to the city gate, asked the nearest relative to sit down, and asked ten elders of the town to be witnesses. He said Naomi was selling the land of Elimelech and asked whether the man would redeem it; the man said he would. Boaz said that buying the land also meant marrying Ruth the Moabitess, the dead man's widow, and the man replied: then I can't redeem it, lest I endanger my own inheritance. He took off his sandal as a sign, according to the custom of the time. Boaz said to the elders and all the people: you are witnesses today that I have bought this property from Naomi and have taken Ruth as my wife. The people and the elders said, we are witnesses, and blessed them. We'll compare this with 1 Corinthians 7: if a husband dies, his wife is free to marry, only in the Lord; in Paul's judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. Today we're talking together about how to walk before the Lord when considering remarriage later in life.
1. Read verses 1-6. Where does Boaz handle this matter? Whom does he ask to sit down? Why does the nearest relative change his mind and say he cannot redeem the land?
Leader note: At the city gate; he asks the nearest relative and ten of the town's elders to sit down; when the man hears that he would also have to marry Ruth, he fears it would endanger his own inheritance.
2. Read verses 7-13. How is the matter settled? What do the people and the elders say?
Leader note: According to the custom of the time, a sandal is taken off as a sign; Boaz asks the elders and all the people to be witnesses; they say, "We are witnesses," and bless Boaz and Ruth.
3. Read 1 Corinthians 7:39-40. What does Paul say about a widow remarrying? What is the condition? What is his own judgment?
Leader note: If her husband dies, she is free to marry, only in the Lord; in his judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is.
4. Boaz settled both the land and the marriage at the city gate, before the elders. For a later-life marriage, what might "being open" include? Why does this protect both families?
Leader note: This is your lesson's center question; leave plenty of time. Make property arrangements clear (prenuptial agreements on assets, wills, notarisation); where the relationship is safe and no one is pressuring, talk things through with your children; ask people at church to pray with you and give advice. When things are in the open, children have less cause for suspicion, and the older person is less at risk of being cheated or taken advantage of; and when one spouse dies first, the survivor and the children on both sides have less to dispute.
5. Paul says remarriage is allowed, yet in his judgment remaining single is happier. How do remarriage and singleness relate to each other before God? How can we avoid looking down on either choice?
Leader note: Both are paths in the Lord. Paul's view that remaining single is happier is tied to "the distress" of the time and to undivided devotion to the Lord; he does not say remarriage is bad. The question isn't "which is more spiritual?" but "can I walk this particular path well in the Lord?"
6. (Flexible question; discuss if time allows) When adult children oppose a parent's remarriage, what are they usually worried about? How can parents listen to them without handing the whole decision over to them?
Leader note: They worry about the inheritance, about their parent being cheated, about loyalty to the parent who died, about who will be responsible for care in the future. Parents can listen to the end and make clear whatever can be made clear; an adult's marriage is ultimately their own decision before the Lord, but concerns that are listened to are often a protection.
7. Do you know of older people who have remarried? Whether it went smoothly or not, how did things work out? (Don't name names; share if you're willing; if you'd rather not share, you can just listen; first-time visitors can share too)
Leader note: Just listen; don't judge which family was right. Notice what people describe as "the things that went right"; they are often the steps that brought matters into the open.
8. This week, what will you do for yourself, for your parents, or for an older person in the group who lives alone?
Leader note: Lead toward specifics: where the relationship is safe and no one is pressuring, have one talk with your children or parents (if someone is pressing for transfers, signatures, or documents, see a lawyer or notary first); find out how to make a will or have documents notarised; invite an older person who lives alone to your home for a meal. Build your action list from this.
Ask one member to read 1 Corinthians 7:39-40 slowly, then everyone is silent for a minute. Those willing pray a sentence or two: asking comfort for older people who live alone, wisdom for those considering remarriage, and peace for families who are at odds over it. Those who don't want to speak can pray silently—that's prayer too; first-time visitors can listen quietly and don't need to pray or commit to anything. The leader then gathers up and prays for each person's family. Prayer requests stay within the group. Do not put sensitive matters in the app or share them in a group chat. For routine follow-up, first obtain the person’s consent, then privately note only the necessary sentence or two. If a child or someone unable to protect themselves is at risk, or there is immediate danger of self-harm or harm to others, do not wait for consent: contact local emergency services, police or appropriate protective services immediately.
You might begin this way (prayer direction):
Lord, you see the brothers and sisters among us who live alone and are lonely. Thank you for promising to be with us; whether or not we have a spouse beside us, you never leave us. For those considering remarriage, give wisdom, so that they may walk openly before you and before their families; for children worried about their parents, give understanding hearts; and protect older people from being deceived. Whether we remarry or remain single, let us be content in your grace. In Jesus's name, amen.
After prayer, each person chooses one from below to do this week. Just one; if you can't decide right now, that's okay.
No need to record it or report it; you're welcome to share next time if you'd like. If you didn't manage something, bring the obstacle to prayer.
If you are considering remarriage, and the relationship is safe and no one is putting on pressure, you can talk this over with your children; adult children can also take the first step and ask their parents. Each of you think it over first, then tell the other.
When you talk, one speaks and the other only listens, without arguing back yet; afterwards, put what the other said into your own words to make sure you heard it right. If you can't agree, talk another day. If anyone is pressing for money transfers, signatures, or property deeds, or keeping you from seeing your family, don't meet them alone and don't sign anything first; keep the documents, consult a lawyer or notary who has no interest in either side, and call the police if necessary.
You could choose “Look at Character, Not Just Credentials” in the Singleness and Dating series (Ruth 2), or “Losing a Loved One” in the Life's Circumstances series (Luke 7:11–17).