Suicide is one of the most silenced topics in Chinese culture and the church, but silence has never protected anyone. This is the third article in the Mental Health Series. It dismantles four common myths ("talking plants the idea," "people who say they'll do it won't," "no one can stop someone who truly wants to die," "suicide is selfish"), identifies recognizable warning signs, and addresses the hard theological question of what happens to believers who die by suicide — drawing on Scripture's own heroes of faith who cried out for death: Moses, Elijah, Job, Jeremiah, and Jonah. The article closes with three levels of practical guidance for companions and church communities, plus a crisis resource list for the UK and Mainland China.
Speaker: Pastor Bond · Scripture: 赛42:3;王上19:4;弗2:8-9
Pastor Bond · May 2026 · Compiled with Claude's assistance · Mental Health Series, Part Three
This article addresses a topic many people would rather not touch: suicide.
In Chinese culture, the very words carry an almost superstitious weight: "Don't bring it up — it's bad luck." "What if talking about it puts the idea in someone's head?" In the church, the subject feels even heavier: "How could a believer ever want to die?"
But silence has never protected anyone. If anything, our unwillingness to speak is precisely what makes those struggling in the dark feel even more isolated: "If this is something I can't even say out loud, there must really be something wrong with me."
This article is not written for "other people." It is written for every one of us — because someone close to us may be in the middle of this struggle right now, and a single word, a single action from us, can genuinely change the trajectory of a life.
If you are in crisis right now, please read this first:
The pain you are feeling is real, and you do not have to face it alone. Please reach out now:
- 🇬🇧 UK: Call 116 123 (Samaritans, 24 hours, free)
- 🇨🇳 Mainland China: Call 12356 (National Psychological Assistance Hotline)
- Emergencies: In the UK call 999; in China call 120 or 110
- 🌍 Anywhere else: find a verified helpline for your country at findahelpline.com
Your life has value. Please give yourself the chance to receive help.
A number of ideas about suicide circulate widely that sound plausible but are simply wrong. These myths not only prevent us from helping others — they sometimes cause people who need help to go even more silent.
Fact: It doesn't. This is probably the single most important misconception to correct. A large body of research shows that asking someone directly and caringly whether they are having thoughts of ending their life does not increase their risk of suicide. On the contrary, many people who have had such thoughts feel a profound sense of relief when someone asks: "Finally, someone sees my pain. Finally, someone was willing to ask."
Silence is the real danger. When we hold back out of fear, we signal to the other person that "this is something that can't even be mentioned" — which leaves them feeling even more alone.
Fact: Any expression about suicide must be taken seriously. When someone says "I don't want to be alive anymore" or "there's no point to living," we might assume they're "just venting" or "looking for attention." But the truth is that most people who ultimately end their lives gave some kind of signal beforehand — it just wasn't heard or wasn't taken seriously.
Even if someone is "looking for attention," that itself means they genuinely need attention. Giving them that attention may be the very thing that saves their life.
Fact: Suicide is preventable. Research shows that most suicidal behavior occurs within a relatively brief crisis window. If someone intervenes in that critical moment — through presence, listening, or limiting access to lethal means — many people do not attempt again. This means that even simple actions — being with someone in that moment, helping them make a phone call — can genuinely change the outcome.
Fact: People who want to end their lives are usually not acting out of indifference to others — quite the opposite. They often feel they are a burden to everyone around them. The inner voice is typically: "Everyone would be better off without me." That is not selfishness; it is despair driven by pain so extreme it has become severely distorted. Understanding this allows us to respond with empathy rather than moral judgment.
Fact: Christians can and do experience suicidal thoughts, and some have died by suicide. Faith is not a vaccine against mental illness. Just as Christians get cancer, Christians can experience severe depression and despair.
This myth is especially harmful in the church: it causes struggling brothers and sisters to think "I shouldn't even be having these thoughts," which drives them further into isolation and makes them far less likely to ask anyone for help. We need to create safe space in our churches where this truth is clear: having these thoughts does not mean your faith is deficient; reaching out for help is itself an act of trusting God.
Suicide is rarely sudden and without warning. While every person's situation differs, the following signals are worth paying attention to.
Some expressions may be indirect — they might not mention "death" or "suicide" explicitly, but a tone of hopelessness is palpable. If you hear words like these, it is always better to ask a follow-up question than to pretend you didn't hear it.
Important note: "Sudden improvement" is not always improvement. A person who has been deeply depressed for a long time and then appears lighter and relieved may have made a "decision" — and that decision has given them a false sense of release. If you notice this kind of sudden shift, do not let down your guard. Instead, pay closer attention.
If reading this far has left you feeling distressed, please remember: In the UK, call 116 123 (Samaritans, 24 hours, free) | In Mainland China, call 12356 | For emergencies, call 999 or 120 / 110 | 🌍 Elsewhere: findahelpline.com
We might assume that the great figures of faith in Scripture were strong, victorious, always filled with hope. But in fact, the Bible is full of people who cried out in despair — even begging for death — and God never abandoned any of them because of it.
Moses: The great leader of the Exodus, crushed by the relentless complaints of the people he led, said to God: "Please kill me right now, if I have found favor in your sight; and don't let me see my wretchedness." (Numbers 11:15) A leader brought so low he would rather die than continue. God's response was not rebuke, but sharing the burden — appointing seventy elders to help carry the weight.
Elijah: Fresh from a mighty spiritual victory on Mount Carmel, he collapsed under a broom tree and begged for death: "It is enough. Now, O LORD, take away my life." (1 Kings 19:4) God did not lecture him. He sent an angel to give him food, water, and sleep — attending to his physical needs first.
Job: A man God himself called "blameless and upright" (Job 1:8), who after devastating losses cried out: "Why didn't I die from the womb? Why didn't I give up the spirit when my mother bore me?" (Job 3:11) He went further still: "So that I would choose strangling — death rather than these my bones. I loathe my life." (Job 7:15-16) God did not invalidate his pain; at the end, God appeared to him personally.
Jeremiah: Known as the "weeping prophet," worn down by years of persecution and isolation, he cried: "Cursed is the day I was born! Don't let the day my mother bore me be blessed!" (Jeremiah 20:14) He cursed the day of his own birth — not the words of an "unspiritual" man, but the raw cry of a prophet whom God himself had chosen, in the depths of agony.
Jonah: Sitting under a plant he loved, he told God: "It is better for me to die than to live." (Jonah 4:8) God's response was not a reprimand, but a patient conversation, gently drawing Jonah toward a larger perspective.
Not one of these people — Moses, Elijah, Job, Jeremiah, Jonah — lacked faith. They are among the most powerfully used people in all of Scripture. Yet every one of them passed through profound despair, even a longing for death.
If they could be that honest before God, so can you.
In some church traditions, the view has been held that a person who dies by suicide "cannot be saved," because "suicide is murder, and there is no opportunity to repent." This teaching has caused double anguish for the families of those who have died this way: the grief of losing someone is already unbearable, and then they carry the terror that "my loved one may be in hell."
This is not a systematic theology paper, and I am not attempting a comprehensive doctrinal argument here. But I want to offer a few points for reflection.
First, salvation is by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9) — not by our behavior in the final moment of our lives. If our salvation depended on whether we managed to repent of every sin before we died, no one could have any assurance of salvation at all.
Second, we cannot fully know the inner state of a person in their final moments. In the extremity of mental anguish, a person's thinking and judgment can be severely impaired — just as a high fever can cause someone to say things they would never say otherwise, severe mental illness can lead a person to do things they would never choose in a normal state of mind.
Third, God's mercy and justice far exceed our comprehension. Judgment belongs to God, not to us. What we can do — what we are called to do — is love people and help them while they are still alive.
None of this is to say that suicide is a trivial choice: life is a precious gift from God. But when a person in extreme anguish has made this choice, we entrust the question of judgment to the God who is both merciful and just.
If you have lost someone to suicide, you may be carrying a uniquely complex grief: sorrow, self-blame ("Why didn't I see it?" "If only I had done more"), anger ("How could you leave like this?"), confusion, perhaps even shame. All of these feelings are normal. You need not be ashamed of any of them.
A person's choice to end their life is not your fault. Even as their closest family member, you could not control another person's actions and decisions around the clock. You did what you could. Some things lie beyond the reach of any human being.
If you need support, please seek professional grief counseling. In the UK, there are organizations specifically supporting those bereaved by suicide, including Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS), helpline: 0300 111 5065.
Caring for someone does not require waiting until they say "I want to die." Attentiveness in everyday life is where prevention begins. Notice whether someone has withdrawn lately, whether they've said anything dark, whether you're seeing the signals described above — especially in the period following a major life upheaval: bereavement, job loss, divorce, a medical diagnosis.
If you are worried about someone, ask them directly. You don't need to circle around it. You can be gentle but clear:
Asking directly does not "plant the idea." Your question communicates: "I see your pain. I care. I am willing to listen."
If they say no, don't simply assume everything is fine. If you're still concerned, you can say: "Okay — but if that ever changes, I want you to know you can come to me." This keeps the door open. Continue paying attention afterward; a single denial is not grounds to stop watching.
If the person opens up, resist the urge to respond quickly.
❌ "How could you even think something like that?" (interrogating)
❌ "Think about what this would do to your family." (moral pressure)
❌ "God doesn't permit suicide." (theological pronouncement)
❌ "What do you even have to be upset about?" (dismissing their feelings)
✅ Be quiet. Listen attentively.
✅ "Thank you for trusting me with this. I know it wasn't easy to say."
✅ "You're carrying so much pain right now. I hear you."
✅ "You don't have to carry this alone."
In that moment, your listening is itself an act of rescue.
Once the acute crisis passes, don't assume everything is resolved. Crisis can recur — especially when someone has just been discharged from hospital, has just stopped medication, or is facing new pressure. Maintain regular, low-pressure contact. Let them know you're still there.
When the person is in a more stable period, consider sitting down with them to create a simple "safety plan" together: What are my early warning signs? (e.g., not sleeping, not wanting to leave the house) What can I do to help myself? (e.g., go for a walk, listen to a piece of music) Who can I call? (Write down specific names and numbers.) What are the crisis helpline numbers? Write it down and put it somewhere they can always find it. You don't need to be a professional to do this — you can put it together with them yourself.
Walking through this kind of conversation and accompaniment can shake you deeply. Fear, helplessness, even anger are all normal. Find someone you trust to talk to about your own feelings. If you need to, seek counseling for yourself. You don't have to process this alone.
One more thing, and it is important: you are not ultimately responsible for another person's life. What you can do is care, be present, and help connect them with professional support — but you cannot and should not be anyone's sole safety net. If you find yourself unable to put your phone down, unable to live your own life, constantly afraid that "something might happen to them" — that is a sign that you yourself need support. Caring for someone should not come at the cost of your own health.
From the pulpit, in small groups, in pastoral care training — let brothers and sisters know that talking about suicide is not taboo, and that learning about the topic is not "unspiritual." A church willing to name this subject is safer than a church that avoids it.
Not everyone in the church needs to become a crisis intervention specialist, but the core team — pastors, small group leaders, deacons — should have basic skills in recognizing and responding: knowing the warning signs, knowing how to ask, knowing what local professional resources are available. This knowledge can save a life at the critical moment. A simple place to start: share this article in your church group and with friends, and encourage people to read and discuss it together.
For brothers and sisters who are at risk of suicide or have previously attempted it, the church needs a kind of accompaniment that is long-term, steady, and undramatic. Not a rush of attention during the crisis followed by disappearance afterward, but a continuous, quiet presence. A weekly check-in message, a cup of coffee, a walk together — these small and seemingly ordinary acts build, over time, into a genuine safety net for a life.
When a member of our church family loses someone to suicide, what they need is not spiritual judgment ("Could they have been saved?") but unconditional presence and practical help. This kind of bereavement is often more complex and more isolating than other losses: because of the social stigma, many families cannot bring themselves to tell anyone how their loved one died. The church should be a place where they can grieve safely.
| Resource | Contact | Description |
|---|---|---|
| Samaritans | Call 116 123 (free) | 24-hour emotional support helpline |
| NHS 111 | Call 111 | Non-emergency medical advice, 24 hours |
| Crisis Team | Referral via GP or 111 | Local mental health crisis team |
| SOBS | Call 0300 111 5065 | Support for those bereaved by suicide |
| PAPYRUS | Call 0800 068 4141 | Suicide prevention for people under 35 |
| Mind | mind.org.uk | Mental health information and support |
| Chinese Mental Health Association | chmha.org.uk | Chinese-speaking mental health support |
| Emergencies | Call 999 or go to A&E | If someone is in immediate danger of harming themselves or others |
| Resource | Contact | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 12356 National Psychological Assistance Hotline | Call 12356 | National unified helpline; hours may vary by region |
| Beijing Suicide Research and Prevention Centre | Call 010-82951332 | 24-hour crisis intervention hotline |
| Hope 24 Hotline | Call 400-161-9995 | 24-hour psychological assistance hotline |
| Emergencies | Call 120 or 110 | If someone is in immediate danger of harming themselves or others |
If you are outside the UK or mainland China — or if a number above does not connect — you can find a verified helpline for your country at Find A Helpline or the IASP crisis-centre directory. Phone numbers can change; these directories are kept up to date.
As I wrote this article, certain people stayed in my mind throughout.
The brother lying awake in the small hours, convinced he is a burden to everyone. The sister who wept in the bathroom, dried her eyes, and walked back out as if nothing had happened. The family who lost someone this way and still cannot speak of "what happened" to anyone.
If you are one of them:
Your pain is not your fault. You are not weak — you are carrying a weight beyond what any person should have to bear alone. And the fact that you are here today, still reading these words, means there is a voice somewhere inside you saying: "Maybe there's another way."
Listen to that voice. It's right.
Pick up the phone. Send a message. Knock on a door. Let someone know you are struggling. You don't need to explain everything — you only need to say: "I need help."
And to the rest of us: let us be the kind of people who open the door when someone knocks. Not with answers, not with judgment, but with a heart that is willing to sit down quietly and stay with someone in the dark.
"He won't break a bruised reed. He won't quench a dimly burning wick. He will faithfully bring justice." (Isaiah 42:3)
This article is for educational reference only and is not a substitute for professional crisis intervention. If you or someone near you is in a suicidal crisis, please contact the helplines listed above immediately or go to the nearest emergency room.
💬 If this article has raised questions or thoughts for you, you are welcome to direct them to Pastor Bond:
- "Can talking about suicide actually cause harm?"
- "How did God respond to the biblical figures who cried out for death?"
- "Someone close to me is considering suicide — what exactly should I do?"